An Elf broke into my house

Ok, it's not that I have anything against the Elf on the Shelf.  It's a cute idea and all.  Kudos to the parents that can do it.  I just prefer spending my Christmas time relaxing, reading books on Jesus birth, lighting Advent candles, and doing things as a family (Christmas lights anyone?).   

The elf, on the other hand I don't think is for us.  I knew right away the elf wasn't for us.  I mean, the tooth fairy already tends to have a backlog and thus arrives a couple days late, after "borrowing" cash from wherever he can find it (with the invention of plastic I guess he's forgotten to carry cash).  

I really don't have anything against those parents who chose to do it.  To each their own, unless it effects me, who am I to care what goes on in your house.  That is until their elves start breaking into my house.

This is about how December has gone in our house.  Also known as, how an elf broke into our house.

Day 1 (what day is that anyway, December 1), child 4: C's elf baked him cookies.

Me:  wow

Day 2, child 3: K's elf made a mess, she told me about it.  It was funny.

Me:  wow

Day 3, child 5: the elf at school was in our classroom

Me: wow

Oh and then the fun begins.

Day 4, child 4: all my friends have elves.

Me: wow

Day 5, child 3: how come everyone else has an elf?

Me: I don't know

Day 6: how come everyone but us has an elf?

Me: um, maybe you behave well enough that you don't need an elf to spy on you (hoping they don't see through this very obvious lie).

Day 7: then how come there's elves at school?

Me: um, to keep an eye on the other kids that need it

Day 8: L wrote a letter to his elf saying that Mrs. H didn't have an elf.  He brought a friend from the North Pole for her. 

Me: wow 

Our elf free future is not looking good.

Day 9: I said she'd write a letter to her elf and see if he can bring a friend for us.

Me: wow

Biting my nails

Day 12: Ks elf still hasn't brought a friend.

Me: hmmm

Crap, what am I supposed to do, tell her Ks elf is fake.  Oh, all the parents will love me.

Day 13: do you think Auntie can write a letter to her elf too?

Me: we'll see

Words I won't type start to creep into my head

Day 15:  did you make sure to tell auntie to write her elf a letter?

Me: um, I'll text her 

which I don't, because we all know, at this point it's my problem and I'm starting to think I'm screwed.

Day 16: did auntie write her elf a letter?

Me: um, I'll ask her

Day 18: did you ask her?

Me: yes, yes she did 

Great, now I have to say her cousins elf is fake too?

Day 19: 

This is a good elf though, he will just sit on the shelf.