Sibling jealousy

Another long ago written, but never posted, out of the blog vault.

One of the biggest concerns among parents about to have a 2nd child is
jealousy. That and how can I possibly love another as much, are the
most asked questions I get.

The love question is easily answered. The answer everyone gives is
pretty much the gist of it. Your love doesn't divide, it grows. To
add to that, they get additional love. Both children gain sibling
love. Sibling love is something that cannot be duplicated. Sibling
love is different than parental love. Sibling love will be there long
after their parents are gone.

Jealousy is a bit harder. I have trouble answering that question
because we've never had a huge issue. I do not know the actual reason
we don't have an issue. I am not going to say we haven't had
jealousy. It is subtle. It can be a toddler that's a little more
clingy, we just cuddled them more. It can be a preschooler who's a
little more defiant, we just try to be understanding. Maybe these
issues aren't as apparant because we don't push siblings aside for the
baby. I can cuddle a toddler watching TV while I nurse a baby. I can
take a preschooler to the playground with baby out of the way in the
sling. I can take an older child to scouts with the baby tucked away
in the Ergo.

In our house jealousy of the baby isn't so much the problem. The
jealousy the baby causes can be more the problem. She got to hold the
baby longer. He's hogging the baby. I was playing with her first.
They all want to hold the baby, play with the baby, sit next to the
baby, etc.

I don't think you could find prouder older siblings. My son was so
proud holding his new sister (the same boy who was scared of babies 2
years earlier). They will hold the babies hand in the car to help her
fall asleep. They get the most excited when they make a baby laugh.
They want to bring their baby to show and tell.

Only in my house do the kids actual want more siblings. Yes, like
every other kid, mine don't enjoy sharing. That doesn't matter to
them when it comes to babies. B thinks we should have 20 kids (sorry,
not happening). S is mad that we won't give her twin baby brothers
(as if mommy isn't crazy enough). Sorry guys but we have no plans
to be the next Duggars.

World Breastfeeding Week: It's not always what you say

Ok, I'm a middle of the road kind of gal. I am pro breastfeeding but I am not as out there promoting it as I  am babywearing and attachment parenting. It isn't that I am scared of cans with worms in them. You know that's not the case because I talk about spanking. I think my issue is modesty.  You never expect to hear that from someone who has breastfed in public for the last 6+ years. 

Yes, I breastfeed in public, without a cover, but I don't undress to do so.  Breastfeeding moms do not enjoy flashing you, we are not closet strippers, and many of us have stretch marks we'd much prefer stay under wraps.  We try to be as modest as possible  We do it because a baby has to eat, a lot, it's just not feasible for anyone to expect a baby to be able to wait. They have tiny tummies, hunger is a new sensation that they can't differentiate completely from a "pain".  Developmentally they have NO concept of time.  It is also unrealistic to expect a mom to be able to stay in her house for 2 years (the minimum amount of time the World Health Organization recommends babies breastfeed).

Yes, I also attend Le Leche League meetings. We talk about breasts, breast issues, and we nurse. That is the topic at hand, in a room full of other nursing (or formerly or some to be nursing) women. We help each other, we support each other. It's almost a necessity.  My personality just doesn't feel comfortable talking about breasts (nursing), sex (birth control), or penises (circumcision) to any stranger or acquaintance out there. If it's not something I would show in public, I don't feel like it's something I should be talking to the world about.  That doesn't mean I don't talk about nursing. As I said, I do at La Leche League meetings. Having nursed more than a few kids I also get asked a lot of questions, I never hesitate to answer.

My lactivism is silent but powerful, it's nursing.  Why do I feel that's so powerful? Because it was for me. When my 2nd was born (my oldest was only part time nursed a week) I was new to breastfeeding. I had just gotten the confidence with my latch and feeding at home. I couldn't stay in the house forever, I had a 3 year old.  Every time we went somewhere I fed the baby first. We took E to dance class. It was only an hour and the car was nearby for nursing. Our second week there another nursing mom sat right in the lobby and nursed, uncovered.  Noone noticed, noone said anything. When B was hungry I tried it, covered. All the  nearby kids wanted to know why the baby was hiding in the blanket. We went to storytime. Another nursing mom nursed her baby. Soon B was hungry. I could do this, that mom was. I nursed B, uncovered, right there in the library.  Noone cared, noone noticed, noone said a word. The next week at dance I tried uncovered. Not a word was said that time. Soon I was nursing at the restaurant while we waited for our food, the zoo, the museum, through the ballet, the park, even in the sling as I shopped the mall.  Noone said anything, noone cared.

I do not know how long it would have taken me to get up my courage without seeing other nursing moms. I do not know how long I would have been able to sustain car nursing only. I do not know if I would have kept on nursing without the ease of doing so where ever I had to go. Moms nursing in public was a huge  support to me nursing my daughter. 

In over 11 years and 5 nurslings I have only had 5 comments (I recall) to me nursing in public. The 1st was  the kids wanting to know why baby was hiding. The 2nd was a surprised man when he peeked into my sling to see baby before I was able to stop him, she was nursing and he wasn't bothered, he only apologized. The 5th was the same thing only a woman. The 3rd was a woman who commented how wonderful it was, she had nursed all her kids. The 4th was the closest I got to a negative. An employee at a children's museum offered me an office to use "for privacy".  Since she was older and easily distracted I took it so I am not sure anything bad would have happened had I politely declined.  Now it doesn't even matter because the state I live in has laws protecting a mom's right to nurse in public.

The hurtful nursing in public stories make the news all the time.  They go viral among breastfeeding advocacy forums. The stories of people who nurse all the time in public, and noone takes a 2nd glance, are left untold.  No wonder moms are nervous. I am hear to share, that isn't always the "norm". 

I hope that the mom who sat down to breastfeed (covered) after asking if I minded, (minutes after I finished nursing) grew more and more at ease. I hope the mom who nursed her daughter (covered) in the row in front of me, right after I finished, was assured that it's OK because noone even noticed. I hope the nervous new mom who sat down next to me to nurse her new baby, while I nursed mine, ended up having a long and successful breastfeeding relationship. Most of all, I wish I could go back and thank those moms who, unknowingly, helped me. And I hope that maybe I have reassured even just 1 mom, when they saw me. Or maybe I put the idea of breastfeeding into 1 future moms mind. Silence can be powerful.

Georgia Aquarium, it's all in how you look at it

This is the last in the "series" (or so it seemed) on our trip.  It's funny how yuo can write so much about 1 day.

The fact that Georgia Aquarium is the "largest indoor aquarium" can be deceiving. When you hear "largest" you expect it to have a lot, to be grand. If you've ever been to an outdoor aquarium though, this may disappoint. Being all indoors, you can take your time. You don't get hot or cold. You don't have to worry about rain. It has some exhibits that are typically reserved for outdoor aquariums, such as dolphins.

All indoors has it's own issues though. It can only admit so many people safely. It sells out, so advance tickets are extremely recommended. Advanced tickets also lock you in. In other words, if you've already bought your $20 tickets and you arrive to a crowded mess you are kind of stuck going anyway or losing your money. The limited number of people they admit is still so many that you may not ever get to see some of the exhibits. Actually, in my opinion, there are so many people that I'd worry about my kids being trampled in an emergency.

They have some nice exhibits. If you've ever been to another aquarium, the most interesting will be the Whale Sharks. The Belugas are interesting too if you haven't been to a large outside aquarium that houses them. Manta Rays are neat but I've seen them swimming off the coast of Florida (and I was just standing on a pier). Dolphins are neat but I've seen them swimming off the coast of Florida and South Carolina (from shore, pier, boat, etc). A lot of the smaller fish I see at the aquarium inside our local zoo. Penguins I see at almost every zoo I've been to. Our local zoo has an awesome exhibit with 3 different species. Though, so far, my favorite exhibit is at the aviary in Pittsburgh. Otters are at several zoos too. The tunnel was neat because the Whale Sharks were there. Otherwise, it didn't seem any better than Ripley's, Tennessee, etc.  Maybe there were more interesting things to see but it was so crowded we couldn't get through to see at least 1/3 of the exhibits.

They do have a play structure. The climbing area though was limited to a small range of sizes. Only my middle 2 were small enough but big enough (barely) to play.  That's like a teaser to a 3 year old, yes I do see the playplace, yes other kids can go in it but unlike other playplaces you are too small, sorry.  Thats a tantrum waiting to happen.  They also have a touch tank. It was very similar to the touch tank at the PPG aquarium (only the PPG has a neat tunnel so the kids can crawl under) and other similar aquariums. Though it was very crowded.

I expected a lot more from the dolphin show. I am not sure if that is because it was an extra $15 or if it's  because the only other dolphin show I've seen was at the Seaquarium. They made it seem like it was a show with a storyline that the dolphins were stars of. The storyline was sorely lacking though. I would barely consider it a storyline.  The hype is much more than the actual show. The show was only 30 minutes (and another hour in line and waiting) but my smaller kids couldn't have handled longer. The dolphins were cool but the story was really needed to get it to last 30 minutes. They just need a better storyline.

If you're just looking for someplace for the kids to see "fish" then there are so many other aquariums. If you have to take them during a peak time it may not be worth it.  If you are an enthusiast though this place may be for you. It may have species not housed elsewhere (I'm not an enthusiast with the knowledge to say). It also has many (albeit expensive) additional options. You can tour behind the scenes, swim with the Belugas, or go snorkeling in the big tank. My daughter did a behind the scenes tour with school and said that was great. You got to see more things and it wasn't crowded at all.

The aquarium also features a cafe but I cannot comment on that because it was too busy to try. I would  recommend sunscreen and water. I didn't bring either because it is an "indoor" aquarium and outside food/drink is not allowed. However, despite having a 1pm ticket, we had to wait in line from 1pm (the earliest they will let a 1pm ticket get in line) until about 1:30pm. This line was 90% in the 100 degree sun. There really wasn't anywhere to get water without getting out of line.

There is a parking garage but you may want to consider a prepaid ticket. They were sold out by the time we got there so were only letting in prepaid tickets (which we had). If you also have a large family and therefore a large van, the garage is only 6'8". They have a special entrance for vans though, the one next to us was a  Sprinter or similar so it can accommodate tall vans. The same ticket was valid for this entrance and when we were there spots were aplenty in that section.

The one place I was partially impressed with was the gift shop. In my opinion it's location is predatory. The  aquarium exit is through the gift shop. The prices were one of the most reasonable I have seen. A decent sized stuff animal was only $15. The $16.99 animals were on sale 2/$25. T shirts were a bit pricey, the one my daughter got was $22.

All in all I'd rather go somewhere less crowded. The kids are just as impressed because they haven't seen "everything" a bunch of times yet.  For the price they charge for admission I'd expect them to limit admission to a number reasonable enough that we can actually see the exhibits. This is coming from someone who grew up at Disney World, the king of lines.

It's all good

I'm sure, after all the stories of this trip, people are wondering if we vacation often and why would we. Believe it ot not, that is an unusual trip. When things go wrong I don't stress. Stressing about it won't change it. Sometimes they go so bad the only thing you can do is laugh.

Every trip has it's challenges. Every trip has it's good times. We had fun swimming together with nowhere to really be. Even if it was 9 pm at night, Anna and I had some nice (semi) quiet time walking together (even if she did try to run into every bar we passed). Once everyone's quiet it's always nice on a car trip to get some peaceful time (in the van) to just chat with hubby.

9 months ago I drove, alone, with 5 of the kids to meet the other and hubby. It was supposed to be an 11 hour drive that ended up being about 13 hours. It wasn't 13 hours because of problems or kids. It was because we stopped to eat breakfast and lunch. We stopped every 2 hours to nurse a baby. Our GPS got us lost in downtown. We got caught in traffic. The kids, including the 3 month old, did incredibly well. It was only the last hour, lost and stuck in traffic, that was an issue. We stayed there 4 nights without issues. Looking back we just laugh at the less than perfect parts. I mean, the GPS was trying to kill us. It told us to turn the wrong way down a 1 way road, once into a wall and once get off at a non existent exit (in it's defense, despite having just been updated, the city was under construction).

I've spent a week at a hotel or condo (many times) with all the kids while hubby worked all day. Sometimes it's the little things that make memories. At hotels there are few dishes and laundry to do. One trip, despite daily swimming, beach trips, and the mall, the kids most remember the rainy afternoon we all snuggled on the bed watching a movie. One of the things they always love to do is to collect the brochures of all the tourist attractions. Even if we don't go to even one, it's fun to spread them out, pass them around, and talk about the places. When we do have time to do them it's fun to vote, debate, and persuade over which to try. 

Even if their behavior this weekend looked like they never eat out or travel, you'd be surprised how much a family our size does do those things. I'm not saying we regularly go out to 5 star restaurants. Most of the kids' favorite is Cracker Barrel. Some of the kids prefer Olive Garden or Uno's (only on the day the balloon man is there). B likes ribs so always votes for Carolina Wings and Rib House and no kid argues since they have a video game room. We have family across the East Coast so we travel North and South. We're even known to just drive 2 hours to shop, pick apples, visit a museum, etc. 

They are seasoned. They're also just kids. We expect everything to run smoothly but are prepared for it not to. We'll travel again. I'd love to say we'll wait until I catch up on my sleep. But we know that isn't happening anytime soon.

And the not so happy ending

Friday we loaded up the kids and headed to the University to get my oldest. I had great plans to drive out to Atlanta from there to spend the weekend. We could do the aquarium, Centennial Park, the Zoo and whatever else we could squeeze into around 2.5 days. Since the hubby agreed (especially after not letting me go last year, just because I was 37 weeks pregnant), I told the kids. Unfortunately his work decided on other plans, which included him flying out of town on Sunday.  I would have just cancelled, with plans to reschedule. Hubby thought we could squeeze something in and the kids would have been upset, so off we went for the night.

The plan was to stay the night near the University (much closer to Atlanta) and then pick E14 up early in the morning to head to the Georgia Aquarium.  As long as hubby was taking the day off, I thought we could head over early to check in, swim, then grab dinner. The plan went so perfectly. The kids behaved well on the way. The baby slept. They had lots of fun swimming.

I am sure you know things never go "perfectly". That is where it ended. I thought walking to a close dinner would be better for kids contained in a vehicle all day (even if they just finished an hour of swimming). We even took the kids to a favorite place. They loved walking there. At dinner EVERYONE was so restless it was chaos. We finished so early I didn't want rambunctious kids stuck in a hotel room disturbing guests. We decided to go buy them University T shirts instead. We loaded up and immediately it didn't go well. The baby was crying from the 1st second. On the way out of the parking garage the van was too tall for the gate and scrapped along the top. J4 had a potty accident and was TICKED. I was so happy to be headed back.

It's a challenge to get 5 kids to sleep at home, in a hotel steps it up a notch. I thought hubby might have better luck if it were quieter so I took 5 and 6 for a walk. I told him to call or text when 2-4 were asleep. My hope was that 5 or 6 would fall asleep on the walk.  5 never got tired, she walked and walked around the hotel, then around the block, for 45 minutes and wasn't tired enough to ride. 6 didn't even rub her eyes or yawn once.

Things have to be going better back at the room. The crying baby, at the rehearsal dinner down the hall when we got off the elevator from the store earlier, should have been my 1st warning. The 2nd being that I haven't heard from hubby. We get back upstairs and people from the rehearsal dinner are occupying their kids by letting them run up and down the hall. It's nearly 10 pm. We're at the very end of the hall, far from the dinner. The kids are running all the way to the end, running into the wall, yelling, then running back. Needless to say, when I text hubby, only 1 of the 3 he has are sleeping. We travel with a sound machine in case of noise issues, but when it's right outside your door even that doesn't help.  I wait a couple extra minutes (with the stroller blocking the hall) before we head in.

Neither 5 or 6 are anywhere near ready for bed. Getting them asleep takes forever (unusual for them). Despite that, packing and breakfast goes fine. Even picking up E14, lunch, and the drive go fine. Lulling us into believing we're in for a good day.  Again that "1st warning" should have been that the parking garage is sold out, they are only accepting prepaid tickets. We have a prepaid ticket and they even have a special van entrance (since the one we hit the day before was 6'10 and the regular entrance of this one is 6'8). The 2nd warning should have been the line that made Disney World's look short. We had already spent $200 on prepaid tickets though. I try to reassure myself. They limit ticket sales, they sell out, so I'm sure it's reasonable inside or why bother limiting sales. Sure.

Hours later we are worn out. We drag ourselves to the car, we head home. The plan was to be home by 10 pm. The baby screams. We decide to stop for dinner. The kids are not happy when Olive Garden's wait is hours and we say "no way". Chili's 45 minutes. We end up at IHOP.  Not that the kids behavior would have worked out at Olive Garden. Back on the road it looks like we'll just make our 10 pm time. The baby cries every 10 minutes. Teething tablets do nothing. We're out of Advil. We finally stop for Advil and nursing. She finally falls asleep.

That's when we get a flat tire. She's no longer asleep or happy. Over an hour later we're back on the road. She eventually falls back asleep. We pull in the driveway near midnight. We rethink ever vacationing again.

The Van Vacation Curse

I am going to start this post with a little background because I definitely think it calls for it. 2 years ago we went camping over the summer. This was not only my 1st time tent camping but there were TONS of kids since it was a Girl Scout family campout. I brought my family which, at the time, included a 9 month old, 2 year old, 4 year old, 9 year old, and 12 year old.

At the end of the weekend I was tired and ready for a real shower but we stayed after most left to help everything get packed and cleaned up. On the way home the baby is tired, kids are restless and hungry.  We forgot that after a certain city there isn't much until you get close to the next city (about an hour) so we accidentally passed the one without grabbing dinner. We are hoping the kids don't overtake us before we get to the next city. The baby finally falls asleep. Then it happens, our transmission dies.

The good news was we had AAA plus so can get towed 100 miles (and we're 88 miles from home). However, we have 5 kids and noone has a car big enough to pick us up. As luck would have it though, my sister was only 30 minutes behind us with her minivan. This only was lucky because we got the only tow truck I've ever seen with a back seat.  Her husband and older kids rode with my husband and older kids in the tow truck so I could fit my carseats in her minivan.

Getting home wasn't the only challenge though. My kids were scheduled to start swimming lessons in 12 hrs. My husband drives a 2 door sports coupe or a 2 door 1965 (read as no seatbelts) pickup truck. I got to switch between the sports coupe and my moms Civic. You are correct, neither fits 5 kids so that was a challenge too. 3 weeks later our transmission is fixed and we are thinking about the backup car dilemma.

While thinking of the backup car dilemma time passes and I am now pregnant with #6. In other words we need a bigger car. Needless to say we keep this in mind when we are shopping. To have reliability when we travel we bought a 2010 van. Just in case, we kept the minivan.

Without a thought we take our new van with it's new tires, transmission, engine, oil, gas...and did I mention tires on a trip.  We load the kids up and drive 3 hrs away to pick my oldest up from the University. The next day we have a full day in nearby Atlanta and then head the 3.5+ hrs. The plan is to be home by 10pm. After 2 stops and lots of screaming the baby falls asleep.

It was finally so quiet that we were actually able to hear a horrible hissing noise.  What the heck is that?  I am looking for a toy gone wild. That is until my husband who knows what it is says something I can't remember now but, if I had to guess, I couldn't repeat it anyway. I turn around and see the air pressure light on. Yep, we're in the middle of nowhere again, just passed the last of the big city a few miles before. It's 9 pm at night so pitch dark. The next exit is still 2 miles away.

I know most people would view being unprepared as a bad thing.  I, however, am optimistic. My hubby pulled off as far as he could without pulling into the ditch.  But I still didn't want him changing the driver's side flat with cars flying by at 75-80 mph in the dark.  We have a jack, we have a spare, but we have no flashlight. We get to wait an hour for AAA to show up and change our tire. Though, I am pretty sure my hubby would prefer that anyway because who wants to use the dinky jack that comes with a vehicle to jack up a 7000 lb 12 passenger van.

The baby immediately woke up and didn't go back to sleep until 30 minutes after we were back on the road. Everyone else took turns waking up to whine.  We finally pulled in our driveway at midnight. Hubby thinks that we probably ran over something in the Publix parking lot, where I made him stop after the baby had been screaming an hour, to pick up more Advil. Sure, make it my fault.

I am beginning to think our vans just don't like the extra work of vacations. Next time we go anywhere my hubby better listen to me, and pamper the vehicle with an oil change. I'll even get the kids to give it a nice sponge bath too.

This week in history

This is an eventful week in history.  It has been 1 year since my grandmother passed away.  As L's 1st birthday approached this was on my mind.  It has been like she is telling us she is right her with us.  I was making L's 1st year video and I needed a song to finish it out.  I am glancing through songs on Amazon and what catches my eye but "You Are My Sunshine", my grandmother's favorite song to sing to babies.  It was a beautiful rendition so I got that, soon the video will be done to share.  Then, on her birthday I find that A2 has ripped the gift bag so I run to the store to get another.  Right there at the end of the aisle is a board book "You Are My Sunshine" so I had to pick that up as part of the gift.  I think I am going to pick up a special book for every child's birthdays in remembrance of her since she loved books and was always buying them for the kids.

We haven't really celebrated L's birthday because my oldest was out of town.  We did since to her, make her a cake, and give her our gift though.  We will celebrate after hubby returns from his business trip.  But yes, last year this week the midwife wasn't all that happy when, despite her best efforts because of my history, she missed L's birth.

Today is A2s birthday.  3 years ago at this very time I had an uneventful midwife appointment.  I had to resign myself to the fact I would not be having the baby that day.  Instead it turned out to be that I would not be having the baby at that hospital that day.  3 years after her much more eventful birth, A2 still has quite a spirit to her.

This week in history is a celebration of life.  A celebration of new life and a celebration of a wonderful life passed.  This week in the present is not as celebratory.  My 2 little babies grow up this week.  For the others we have school registration day.  Even though we have 2 more weeks after that, of summer, it seems like registration day is the day that reality is shoved in your face.  Summer is ending.  We have activities in the summer but the end of summer seems like it is back to the grindstone.  On school registration day we will start trying to cram things in before summer is over.  I will already start mourning the kids going back to school.  It's odd because I know so many parents who already have a countdown going.  I am not sure if and why they don't enjoy summer but we love it.

Hopefully, despite all this I'll be able to get some blogs caught up.  I have a post about our trip ready to post but Blogger was acting up yesterday.  Today I wanted to post A2s birthday instead.  Maybe you can hear our trip troubles tomorrow.