Some new ideas

I've seen everyone else doing them forever and I really like organization so I think I'm going to give it a try. A new blog "schedule". Not something every day, but an idea for many days to give me a jumping off point, or a shove to do a post I've been avoiding. We already have "sharing Sundays", so we'll go with "manic Mondays", as a tribute to my first blogs. My first blog was http://joeysmanicmelon.blogspot.com to chronicle all the helmet decorations we did when my son wore a Docband for Plagiocephaly exactly 5 years ago. To this day, that blog, which I maybe post to once a year, continues to get many hits from parents wanting decorating tips/ideas or before/after pictures. Because of that, and the lack of resources, I have left that blog up even though I don't post to it. After that, I wanted to start a family blog, as a spinoff from that one I named it Manic Mommy. Then I promptly forgot about it. Manic Mondays will usually be about the coming week or the weekend past. It will talk about how I (plan to) handle (or should have handled) the chaos.

Tuesdays will be Tutorial Tuesdays since I've promised so many people tutorials for fleece carrier covers, ponchos, crochet patterns, help with their Ergo, etc so this day will be a tutorial, sometimes sewn, sometimes needlecrafts, sometimes no sew, sometimes just help. Hopefully, having to fill my Tuesdays I will get in here to get all the things people are waiting on.

In shamelessly copying everyone else, I will make Wednesdays wordless. Of course today is far from wordless but I'll include the pictures I would have shared for a wordless day anyway.

I am tossing around a "thoughtful Thursday" to get me into trouble. It would be a day when I share my opinion on a conversation or question that has come up that week, a current event, or something that's gone viral. But my opinions tend to make my mouth (or fingers) explode, and get me into trouble. Is it worth it? What do you think?

That leaves 2 days. I would like to have a review day that I share information on a place we've traveled/visited, the book I'm reading, or a product we've tried. I can't come up with a catchy title for that day. Maybe I want something general so it could also be used for giveaways and contests? Decisions, decisions.

Sunday Sharings

Last week the priest gave a wonderful homily on love. This included parental love, familial love, and unconditional love. It talked of loving others as God loves you. It also talked about discipline, which means "to teach".

During this homily, as usual, some children got restless. Some parents struggled more than others. One small child was dragged out for a spanking. Right as the priest finishes preaching love a child is facing a spanking. It wasn't a child who was hitting, or more disturbing than any of the others. It was an average small child, one who developmentally really couldn't sit still and quiet for an hour. It was a child who wanted something but either wasn't being given it or wasn't being understood. It could have been any child in that mass.

In other words, it wasn't the child, it was the parent. I always look for the good in people. Maybe it was a parent who was frustrated. Maybe the parent already had a rough day with the children. Maybe it was a parent who didn't know an alternative. Maybe it was a parent who thought this is what was the "right way" (you know what happens when you "spare that rod").

I waited a week to write it. I wanted to find the right words. I am human and have no right to judge. I needed the time to let go of my feelings for the parent before I could let my sorrow, for a child raised that way, be expressed in a constructive way.

God does call us to protect the weak. That doesn't just mean the abused, sick, or hungry. That also means the children. Not just our own children, but all the children who are not receiving that unconditional love.

I've decided to spend Sundays sharing. I will share a tip, a website, a bible quote, a book title, a product, a craft, etc. I will share something that could possibly help your child make it through an hour mostly sitting. Or I will share something that will help you understand where your child is developmentally. I will share something that will give you an alternative. Maybe it will instead be a prayer for you, something you can have in your head to help with your frustrations.

Today I will start with something small since I've already talked so much. Today I share the Serenity Prayer. Because a child's developmental level is something you cannot change. It doesn't matter how you punish, you cannot make a 2 or 3 year old be capable of sitting perfectly still and quiet for an hour. Just as you can't make a 1 or 2 year old, going through a separation anxiety phase, stop crying when you leave them in the nursery. Or just like you can't make a 1 or 2 month old sleep through the night. That doesn't mean that every part of every developmental stage is easy. It does mean that accepting that it cannot be changed can help you relax about it.

It also takes courage to change the things that are not developmentally appropriate. It takes courage to discipline a child. It takes courage "to teach" them rather than just punish then. It especially takes courage to discipline them in the way they need you to when you are out in public. You have to be able to ignore the scrutiny around you. Some of that scrutiny is just in your head, it isn't real. Some of that scrutiny is real but it doesn't matter. How you treat your child is something you have to live with, not them. It can take a lot of courage to realize that and then move forward, remembering who does matter, your child.

It's Saturday

It is early, 7:23 am to be exact.  Yes, I know that isn't particularly early.  It is a Saturday though, don't people sleep in on Saturday?  Even though I have 6 kids I do sleep in on Saturday.  Of course, "sleeping in" may have different standards than others.  I usually get up at 6:30 am so 7:30 am is sleeping in.  L usually sleeps in too, we sleep in together.  The other kids are old enough to walk downstairs and turn on the TV.  If L wakes up she is old enough to walk downstairs and watch TV with older siblings.

So, why am I up before 7:30am on a Saturday?  Nope, it isn't even for anything exciting.  Usually S is the first one up so she opens the gate, goes downstairs and turns on the TV.  Today A beat her to the gate.  A cannot open the gate so A screams.  Does S open the gate?  No, she instead tries to find out what is wrong.  A screams again.  Did I mention that A usually sleeps in too?  Soon I am awake.  If A is awake it must be at least 7:30am.  But I can't be sure because my phone died in the night.  My phone charger died too so I can't even plug it in without borrowing a charger from the husband or kids.  I guess I'll get up.

It is freezing, why is it so cold?  I go downstairs and check the thermostat.  That is when I get the double bad news.  It is 6:40 am and it is 66 degrees in our house.  Yesterday it warmed up enough to switch to the a/c but I forgot to turn it back to heat before bed.  I turn the heat to 72 then go cuddle the kids in a blanket on the sofa watching TV.  I walk to get myself a blanket and the lights flicker.  The power had gone off then on again.  This resets everything. 

So here I sit, way too early in the morning, waiting for the heat to turn back on from "wait", the cable box to reboot, and someone to wake up and take pity on me.

The great thing about mornings like this is that you know the day can only get better.

Sometimes its better not to know

I love my kids, don't get me wrong. And it's so much fun to watch them grow and learn. When your kids are delayed in any way, that learning elicits even stronger feelings. You celebrate every single word that comes out of a speech delayed child. The first pun from an autistic child is more than just humorous.

Some days though you can't help but have the passing thought, why did I want them to talk? Admit it, when your're not even sure your 4 year old has taken a breath in the last 30 minutes, the thought crosses your mind. When your 2 year old tells you "no" for the 37th time that day, you think it.

Soon your kids learn to spell. No longer can you ask your husband if he's up to taking the kids to the "P-A-R-K". With spelling comes reading. Then they start reading the newsletters from school: Sonic night, Wendy's night, Movie night, you can't get anything past them. Don't take them shopping once they can read. "But mom, it's on sale".

Before they can read they learn the basics. On some long days you don't even know the basics. As I sit nursing a headache my kids want Popsicles. Ok, sure. I make my way to the freezer and hand the 2 year old an orange Popsicle. She glares at me. I hand her a purple Popsicle. She glares some more. What do you want L? Blue. I empty the brand new box looking for a blue one. Obviously I don't know my colors today, because the box clearly shows it doesn't even come with blue.

These are a few of our favorite things

The holidays are coming and the big question is, what is your 1 (2, 3, etc) year olds favorite toys. As this question came up again my daughter was playing with a pair of rain boots. That brings me to our favorite "things", not necessarily "toys".

For the crawler, our favorite thing is anything they can pull up on, push, bang with their hands, empty, throw, etc. A full laundry basket is a good one. Ok, they like push toys and activity tables. But a full laundry basket (full of anything, not just laundry) is stable enough to support them pulling up but still able to be slowly pushed around (as oppose to some push toys that go so fast they fall down). When they're bored of that they throw everything out one by one. Soon they land on their bottom as the basket tips on its side from less weight. From there they empty the rest and move on to playing with the basket. Eventually it ends up upside down. Now the larger side is down so it's more stable and they pull up on it again. They can bang on the bottom like a giant drum and push it around some more. You just gained 15 minutes of independent play from something you already had in your house. It grows with the child too. Soon they become climbers that will get in and make it a nest, car, boat, rocket, house, etc.

Toddlers favorite toys are the dishes. You can buy plenty of toddler size kitchen toys. Or you can raid everything plastic you have. Soon your toddler is using your little pot and wooden spoon as a drum while wearing your colander as a hat. When that gets old they start using your plastic ware as stacking toys. The really fun mom even lets them take a plastic pitcher and some cups onto the porch or into the tub to practice pouring. If you want to get mommy if the year you can even let them "wash" them in the sink. If your not so brave, some large (in other words, not choking hazard size) Pom poms, balls of socks, old jar lids, or homemade bean bags can be put in and out of them. Bonus, this is a good time to practice colors, shapes and counting.

Preschoolers love being like big kids. Give them a coloring book and crayons and they will color for a bit. But give them a piece of paper and a pencil or pen and they'll "write" and do "homework" like the big kids for much longer. Do you want to step it up a notch, google a cooked playdoh recipe (cooked lasts longer and has a better consistency than the no cook recipe and homemade crumbles less than store bought plus uses so much salt they don't try to eat it after the first taste). The staples for any craft friendly pantry are flour, salt, cream of tartar, dawn dish soap, glycerin, white school glue, starch, rice, kool aid packets, and cornstarch, with these and a couple plastic containers your ready for any rainy day.

School aged kids can get by with bags and blankets. With the blankets they can make forts, tents, castles, puppet theaters, hammocks, etc indoors or out. With the bags they can pack flashlights, snacks, sticks, rocks, leaves, socks, etc for crafts, picnics, and play. Sticks become guns and swords (for both boys and girls whether you like it or not). They can also be crafted into wands, mobiles, etc. Rocks are good as hammers, weights, money, treasure, or painted as paperweights or pets. Socks become balls, treat sacks, beanbags, gloves (or animal "paws"), or puppets. Leaves can be pressed, printed, rubbed, used as tickets, money, for a collage, or hung from the stick mobiles.

All the older kids need is a library card and the imagination you have been nurturing with the above "toys" since they were born. A ball or box thrown into the mix for any age doesn't hurt either. Those too tight clothes you have figured out you'll never fit in again, the heels your afraid to walk in, and a pair of rain boots add the perfect "outfit" to their make believe play. You'd be surprised what you can do with a t shirt (smock, cape, mane, ninja mask, purse, etc).

All Hallows' Eve

Yes, we celebrate Halloween. Personally, I think November 1st should be a school holiday everywhere. Not only is it a religious holiday (and All Saints Day is a holy day of obligation so we're at mass part of school anyway), but you tell me what teacher is getting up that morning and saying "it's going to be a great day, kids that stay up late gorging on sugar are always so well behaved". Ok, that's totally a whole other post.

Years ago I loved going out trick or treating with the kids. Camera in hand my first went trick or treating her first Halloween as the obligatory pumpkin. Mind you, she was only 4 months old so I had to eat all the loot. Or rather, I had to fight my husband for all the loot, except the lollipop Nana snuck her. The 2nd Halloween she was a cute bunny (which my youngest will be this year, though she calls it "Oreo", the name of our pet rabbit). Then she was Tinkerbell, every year cuter than the previous. I had no choice but to follow her snapping pictures.

It continues from there. Her sister was born and soon we were matching. Her sister's first Halloween they were Blue and Magenta. Then they were Lilo and Stitch. A third child didn't stop us. That first Halloween the baby was a frog, um, I mean toad. As in Neville's toad, since the bigger girls were Harry Potter and Hermione. They were 3 Pokemon next.

I had big plans for 4, 5, and 6 kids. Fresh beats and their mini mes? The whole Sesame Street gang? The whole cast of The Wizard of Oz. 4, 5 and 6 kids wouldn't stop me. But Tweens would stop me. Apparently a Fresh Beat is not cool to an 11 year old. And they don't make Big Bird costumes for teens.

Halloween is supposed to be scary, who knew?  Soon my kids were creating their own costumes, a Crowl?, a mad scientist, etc. Or they want to be something scary, dementors, phantoms of unknown origin, witches, bleeding Scream, and so on, the more mysterious the better. There goes matching. A 4 yr old girl thinks of nothing but princesses, and a 5 yr old boy wants nothing to do with royalty.

Now I prefer to stay home and pass out candy. I love to admire the creativity in costumes, see the most popular character that year, and admire the cute pumpkins and peapods. My husband has the same thought though. Either that or he wants to eat the Halloween candy after we go out to walk around.

So tonight you'll probably see a rabbit and a mermaid, rabbits swim, right? Scream and his skeleton bride. And 2 unknown phantoms. Me, I just get to pull the wagon that will hold their bags when they get too heavy. I'll take a couple pictures before we leave the house but my paparazzi days are in the past.

"If you lie with dogs...", the Lenten update

Quite a title, huh?  I'm sure you are completely confused, Lent was months ago and has nothing to do with dogs. Well, my grandma had 2 sayings.  One was "if you lie with dogs your going to get fleas".  The other was what you needed to do instead, "soar with the eagles".  Not until this Lent did I realise how much this also applied to modeling for our kids.  Modeling for our kids is probably the best way to teach them what is important to you.  You know the saying, "practice what you preach".

So how did Lent teach me this applied to the influences I allow myself too?  And why am I updating about Lent now.  Well, it's been over 6 months so I've now seen the full effect of something that changed at Lent.  Every Lent we give something up but we also try to add something.  Usually the "give up" has not much to do with the church, instead it is more about sacrifice: chocolate, sweets, caffeine, (now that I think about it, it's mostly foods, hmmm, I guess that shows what's important to us, I will need to contemplate that), etc.  Then the "add" is something religious, prayer, bible study, charity, etc.

This year the "give up" became an "add".  You see, I had noticed that the country music I listened to with the kids wasn't as "clean" as I thought it was.  My impression was that if it didn't have people "pumping and grinding", didn't talk about "big buts", didn't say "so take off all your clothes", and there was never any "F bombs", it was "clean".  Therefore, country was the cleanest music I knew. For years the fact it wasn't was there.  B wanted to know what Tequila was and why it "makes your clothes fall off".  Then she wanted to know what a "4 letter word that started with S" and would cause concern was.  That progressed to one day her accidentally slipping and singing along, "...kiss my a**".  Soon my smaller kids were singing about how "rain is a good thing" because it "makes my baby feel a little frisky".  Or going for a ride on my big green tractor, my baby liking to fish, and their favorite music video was "Stuck Like Glue" (if you haven't seen it, look it up, though hilarious it isn't kid appropriate).  So we gave up "inappropriate" music for Lent, though I just told the kids I gave up "country music" for Lent. 

I couldn't go from country to pop, rap, alternative, those were all steps in the wrong direction.  Kids music CDs got old fast.  Classical is nice and soothing, even the sad or angry portions of a classical composition don't seem to ramp you up.  There are 2 problems with classical.  First, when sitting in traffic you can't sing along to distract yourself.  Second, our classical station has just as much talk as music.  This wouldn't be a problem if our CD player worked in the minivan but one of the kids jammed something in it.  That leaves only one thing, Christian.  That's when our "give up" became an "add", we "added" Christian music.

By the end of Lent though I was noticing a difference.  I was calmer.  This is one of the things I didn't actually notice until I tried to go back.  After Lent I turned the radio in the baby's room back to country, to listen as I put away laundry.  I soon realised that listening to an "angry american" rubbed off a little anger.  Listening to a woman take a "...Lousville slugger to both headlights..." got me to thinking, "well he deserved it".  And if Montgomery Gentry doesn't give a damn, why should I.  Not to even mention the amount of sexual innuendos (and not so innuendo) I now noticed, after nearly 2 months of the emphasis being on how "family friendly" the Christian station is. That lasted about a day before I turned it back to Christian.

Yes, even what you listen to, or the people you surround yourself with, can effect you.  If one of the kids is having a bad day it can irritate me.  If I am irritated soon everyone is irritated.  Yes, a "smile is contagious" but so is a bad attitude.  Just as my optimism can rub off on my husband, his pessimism can rub off on me.  If you surround yourself with positive people you will slowly become more positive and optimistic.  If you are a naturally positive person, negative people can effect you.  Some of those negative people just need your influence, your ear to listen, your shoulder to cry on.  Some of those people don't want to be anything but negative and mean.  And if you lie with those dogs your bound to get fleas.

I have explained it to my kids, for years, in terms of buckets.  Everyone has a "nice" bucket and a "mean" bucket.  If someone is mean to you they fill your "mean" bucket.  You can chose to "let it go" by dumping that bucket out or you can scoop some out and give it to someone else.  Of course if you give it to someone else you are filling their bucket so they can scoop right back out and give it back again.  Which bucket would you rather fill?  If you fill other peoples "nice" buckets but dump out your "mean" bucket soon you will only be passing around the "nice" and they'll be no "mean" left.

That isn't to say that my kids "mean" buckets are empty, it's a work in progress.  Hopefully singing about the "voice of truth" will be a better influence than singing about "shaking her fist".  Besides, its much cuter when your 2 year old sings "holy, holy, holy" as opposed to "all your ever gonna be is mean".