Thursday, May 19, 2011

Mommy Bloggers-the reality show

It will make you laugh. It will make you cry. It will make you laugh so hard that you cry. You'll say "bless her heart". You'll think "I'm so glad that's not me". "Mommy Bloggers", the all new reality TV show.

OK, so there isn't really a show called "Mommy Bloggers". It would be an interesting TV show though. Like "Kids by the Dozen" they could feature a different mommy blogger every week. They could have everything in one show, humour, sadness, joy, heartache, drama.

We could draw in the "Kids by the Dozen" watchers with the mommy blogger who has 6 kids, all boys. We've got something for the "Extreme Couponing" watchers too. There are mommy bloggers that blog
all day about coupons and deals, they do all the work and then give the rest of us the heads up.  For those into watching the medical shows or A Baby Story we could feature all the planned, as well as unplanned, home (and car) births.

There'd be humor as we see if we can beat our record time loading and unloading the big vans. There'd be tales of older siblings coloring the baby with a Sharpie. We've got plenty of makeovers, as kids decide to try their barber skills out on themselves.  How many mommy bloggers out there have babies that always dirty their diaper after everyone is loaded in the car?  That is unless they wait until you're pulling into the school parking lot a minute after schools starts so you have to get her out to walk the kids into school to be signed in late.

I wish I could say there weren't sad blogs. There are the stories of infertility.  The long roads to adoption.  There are mommy bloggers out there battling cancer. There are mommy bloggers out there that have lost a child and are raising awareness for what caused their lose.

We could even throw in some education. Not only are there lots of homeschooling mommy bloggers, but many share their lessons. There are plenty of crafty bloggers out there too, from kids crafts to mommy crafts. There is education for mommies too. You can learn about babywearing from mommy bloggers (and some of those even have history, cultural, and anthropological lessons they could share with the kids).

Every good reality show needs drama. There is plenty of drama surrounding circumcision. There are plenty of intactivist mommy bloggers out there. If that's not enough drama I am sure there is a blog post about a nurse in somewhere. There's always an anti spanking blog out there to start a riot too.  We all know most of the drama is in the organizations though.  If the PTO meetings aren't enough for you, check out an HOA meeting (though for safety's sake I wouldn't bring the kids).  Besides, I have 5 girls, I'm sure they'd find a little bit of drama in our house.

Wait you say, no sports?  Trust me, there's sports, lots of sports, how about 3 soccer practices plus a couple games a week.  Baseball fan?  Just wait till baseball (or basketball, hockey, football, lacrosse...) season.  There is even cheerleading, not only from the kids but from the parents on the sidelines of all that.  There are a few mommy bloggers out there that even coach, baseball, gymnastics, dance.  Though there is our own sports too.  The ability to tie a baby onto your front while you already have one tied to your back should be a sport of some sort.  There is always the ball chase too, when you have to sprint to catch the ball before it rolls the half mile down the hill.  Once the ball is retrieved you return it to the pitcher then repeat.  This sport is similiar to, but not the same as, "dropsies", when baby purposely drops a small toy or pacifier so you can do an exercise that resembles toe touches.

You prefer "The Amazing Race"?  How about the amazing mommy tours?  Though the tours may repeat themselves; the same schools, dance studios, YMCAs, sports fields, etc.  They are just rechoreographed into different orders every day/week/season.  The challenge is to first manage to arrange it in the right order then remember to do them all.  You get bonus points if you do it without feeding any of the other children junk.  Sometimes they throw in additional challenges, like the pit stops.  In these additional challenges they see if you can still complete the course without running anyone over or breaking any laws, while being distracted by fights or baby screams.

A little bit of "the grass is always greener" could even be featured.  There are mommy bloggers of grown kids out there. Oh just think of the day when our kids are grown and we can all pee alone. As those mommy bloggers are writing about how much they miss when their kids were small. If we featured the post where baby pukes (err, I mean spits up) their entire lunch all over mom as she's walking in the church doors for Sunday mass our grass won't seem so green. If they are still wearing the rose (or grass green) colored glasses they can also feature the week of blog posts about the 9 month old who's having a growth spurt. For days she wakes up every hour to eat until around 4 am when she falls fast asleep but then mom realizes she has a leaking dirty diaper so will have to be changed (and therefore woken up).

The mommy bloggers of grown children don't have it so great either.  There are the ones planning a wedding and a graduation (and all the expenses to go with it). There are ones paying $15,000 a year for college while they are stuck driving a car from 1991 that "usually" starts. What about the ones whose children just moved across the country? Or worse yet, the ones whose grandbabies are about to be born overseas. Some grown kids are a bit too close for comfort as they move back into moms basement.

So what could this show be missing? Sex? How do you think the babies got here? Lies? I think a few of them celebrate Christmas. Nudity? Haven't you seen the new GA law saying that nursing toddlers increases public nudity? Or maybe you should check out carpool line in the morning because I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a shirt or a sports bra.  It's the Real Housewives without all the money.

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