Today's society is so mixed. Some people expect everything to be handed to them. While other people are so far the other direction that they have trouble even accepting help. Was there ever really a day when the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" ever actually applied? A time when help was graciously accepted but not taken for granted? I read so often that this is the case in undeveloped nations. Actually, in a lot of cases, the more I read about parenting in undeveloped countries the more I wonder if development has actually sent us backwards in some areas.
A person can grow and change. A teenager is frequently in the expectation category. A teenager will grow out of that, though it may be in their 20s or it may be in their 40s. I think I fell too far the other way when I started my parenting journey. I was sure I could do it all myself. It took me some time to realize how much people really wanted to help, they weren't just offering to be polite. You discover that refusing help can sometimes even be rude.
I guarantee I have changed. If you offer help I will accept it if I need it. I say if I need it because when I say I don't need it, sometimes I really don't want it. I say this of the old lady at Walmart who freaks out when I toss my baby onto my back. She runs over to help get her carrier on her, except in the process you are messing me up and getting me all tangled. I have done this for 10 years and I have never dropped a baby. I can get it done in under a minute if you just let me do it.
Sometimes the unaccepted help you force at me is nice though. When you're trying to keep a baby in a front carry asleep you "can" unload your grocery cart. Technically that means I don't "need" help. When the bagger insists on unloading the cart for you I am certainly grateful. I have actually had other patrons at Walmart do this even. I am not sure if it is the growing up in S FL or the paranoia of society that made me a little nervous about that. As you are wearing a sleeping baby and the lady walking by offers to load your minivan for you, I was leery, even though she looked like a harmless lady, so I passed. A few weeks latter a man getting our of his car a couple cars down sees me, runs down and as he's offering he just starts loading. I guess that time I didn't have time to be leery. It almost feels pampering for that minute. Too bad I can't take you home to help when the kids will be demanding lunch, the baby will want to be fed, and the ice cream is melting in the trunk.
Sometimes you "get" it though. Instead of commenting that I have my hands full, I hear that it looks like I have it under control. Wow, I look that good? Instead of hearing I have my hands full, you comment on how comfy baby looks, really she is comfy there. When you are just amazed because I have a toddler riding on my back and a baby riding on my front, I really do own a stroller. If you ask my husband, I have way more strollers than I need. He doesn't even know what the Bugaboo in the trunk and the Maclaren Twin in the garage cost (and that's maybe 1/3 of the strollers I own). I am not wearing them like that for lack of a stroller. I am not wearing them like that in a big hurry to get to the car. Sometimes a toddler just wants to be carried. If you stick her in the stroller she will be fussy and whiny. If you let her walk she will run (and run and run, good luck with that). So up on my back she goes and she is happy. All a mom really wants is for her kids to be happy. I am NOT Supermom. This is just an easier way to do it. It is NOT like carrying her in my arms. Carrying her in a carrier I can barely feel her weight. Truth be told she balances out the baby on my front. No, I did not even have a backache later.
Some people will never "get" it though. The baby is not fussing because I have 6 kids, she is fussing because she is hungry. I am positive that the toddler is not being wild because she is #5 of 6, she is being wild because she is a toddler. The teen is not carrying the toddler because I do not have enough hands for 6 kids(if you don't believe me, reread the previous paragraph), she is carrying her because the toddler adores her (you probably missed the fight several minutes before over who got to carry her). Sometimes I think, if it were up to my kids, we'd have more than the Duggars. As much as they want to kill each other, they also protect and dote on each other. The kids are not deprived of love, time or needs (and way more than a few wants), they are happy and they are fine. I just wanted to let you know, that as chaotic as it looks, I'm fine too.